Real Stupidity #39
Do you have horrible bowel or “irregularity” problems? Don’t go to the colon doctor- just take a “Colon Doctor” pill. “Easy-to-take” How can a capsule not be easy to take? Fast, effective, and a complete and utter placebo.
Archive for the 'Real Stupidity' Category
Real Stupidity #38
A musical tissue roller. There’s nothing I want more than to go into a friend’s home, ask to use their bathroom, go to use the toilet paper, and find, “Ah ha! A toilet-paper holder that makes music!” By that time, I’ll be glad that I had just finished using the restroom, because I would be scared so much by a music-making accessory for a product designed to wipe fecal mater from my rear. Great conversation piece my ass.
Real Stupidity #37
Can you imagine the sheer horror of walking by this thing, late at night? Billy, The Big-Mouth Bass was bad enough, now they have a talking mother-in-law? “The life like portait.” If I had a mother-in-law, and she looked like that, I sure as hell wouldn’t put a picture of her on the wall.
Real Stupidity #36
Sure, the text is so small that you can’t possibly read it, but hell, you will always have something to blow your nose on if worst comes to worst. A thoughtful gift for friends and churchgoing companions indeed.
“Look what I have bought for you, Beverly”
“Ooh, Is this what I think it is?”
“Open it, Beverly.”
“Oh, thank you Joanne. It’s what I’ve always wanted, a 3 dollar bible keychain that you bought for me form a trashy mail-order catalogue. So thoughtful of you.”
“Well, I knew you believed in ‘Jesus’ or whatever, so I got it for you!”
Real Stupidity #35
Just what I’ve been looking for, an elegant three-tier chandelier without the elegant three-tier chandelier price! My wife didn’t know what had gone through my mind, and thought I spent thousands of dollars on a real chandelier, but instead, I just super-glued some beer-bottle glass to these barrel rings that I found in the alley. It hangs from a ceiling light bulb, just like real chandeliers. Easily the classiest product we’ve featured.
Real Stupidity #34
Grandma musta bitten into that file you baked into her cake to have gotten her dentures in a fix like that. But with Grandma in jail, what’s she gonna do? Use the denture repair kit, of course. Only 6.98 – or your could fix 2 sets of file-damaged dentures for 12.98.
Real Stupidity #32
24 KT Instant Gold $19.98 2 for $34.50 replating solution revitalizes dull jewelry! Adds a gleaming 24 KT gold finish to gold, copper, silver, brass. Immerse chains, bracelets, earrings into this special bath and they come out with a brilliant luster. Won’t harm pearls, gemstones or non-metallic surfaces. 2-1/2 oz.
You too can turn your Timex™ into a Rolex™, with this brand new Instant Gold. At last, the Philosopher’s Stone has been found. Hooray for gold that comes in liquid forms in small lotion containers.
Real Stupidity #31
Cow Windchime Was $19.98 Now $17.85 is “udderly” delightful! It’s no simple “moo” from this clever bovine—instead, you’ll hear the melodic sound of chimes when breezes blow. Whimsical cow is a real conversation piece with her long eyelashes, little horns, and two youngsters tagging along. Wood body and udders with metallic chimes as legs. 33-1/2″ H.
This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Yet, I find it so “udderly” delightful! How whimsical this cow is! I wonder why it is such a “real conversation piece?” I think because the person that you are showing off your Cow Windchime to is probably asking you “What the hell were you on when you bought this, and then decided it was so cool that you should call me up and show it off to me? You sicko.”
