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TV Cynic Review: Heroes Season 3 part 2

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Feb 172009

WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW.

I have to admit that I’ve been a fan of Heroes ever since I watched the first episode on DVD through Netflix. The first season stands head and shoulders above most serialized network television dramas/comedies/action-adventures/whatever. However, the second season is probably the most overwrought piece of shit I’ve ever seen. They spend 65 episodes in feudal Japan to set up a love triangle and rivalry, all while introducing 256,023 new character that add little if anything to the story. Great. After the disastrous second season, which was gracefully cut short by the writer’s strike, they started regaining a little steam with their third season, until, of course, they took a turn towards repetition, towards repetition, towards repetition, and bad acting, and unthinkable character moves, giving people powers, taking powers away, making Suresh into the fucking FLY, etc.

Anyways, none of that past stuff really matters, because, well, it’s in the past. Now, Tim Kring (Heroes creator) must have watched a few too many episodes of X-men the Animated Series, or something, because he basically stole their entire plot, minus a few details for Season 3 part 2. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it brings some much-needed darkness back to the series, provides an interesting new villain in the form of the entire US Government, places Nathan Petrelli in the center of everything as the guy pulling the strings with the help of a few badasses like that-guy-from-Iceland-or-wherever-who-is-always-a-villain-on-tv-shows-like-24-or-whatever, named Danko of all things, and of course 76,000,000 dudes with black masks on and submachine guns. Coooool. Continue reading »

Shaq Dancing with JabbaWockeez

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Feb 162009

The WTF Blanket (Snuggie Parody)

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Feb 032009

Thanks to Katherine for sending me this. www.snuggie.com or www.slanket.com (snuggie competitor)

Review: Chuck in 3D

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Feb 032009

First of all, I’ve never seen an episode of Chuck before. After seeing this “3D” episode, I’ll probably check out a few more on hulu.

Alright, on to the review. The show is funny, fast-paced, and has lots of good action. Plus, there is a hot blonde lady who kills fools! What’s not to like? Well, how about the so-called “3D” aspect, for starters.

When I put on some stupid glasses then I have to construct myself, I expect some fuckin’ eye-popping 3D explosions, some real Disney shit. You know the Honey I Shrunk/Blew Up/Had A One Night Stand With/ the Audience thing. The cobras, dogs, shit flying at you. Instead, we got some strange-colored bullshit where Charlie from Lost appears slightly closer to the screen than Chuck. GREAT!!!

Seriously, that was the worst “3D” episode of anything that I’ve ever seen, period. They put in one, count ‘em, one, shot of a thrown knife that was actually pretty cool. Other than that, biggest stupid glasses wearing experience of my entire freakin’ life. My girlfriend and my roommate just took their glasses off after about 2 minutes. Half the time you can’t even see the difference between the show normally and the “3D” parts.

Final score:
Show: B+
3D: F+

Seriously, NBC, if you’re going to make me run around town like a crazy fool trying to find some goddamned 3D glasses, then shit man, at least make it halfway decent. You goddamned bastards.

You Just Won the Super Bowl…

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Feb 022009

What’s next, Disney World?

I think James Harrison is a great player, definitely won the game with his sweet 100 yard return, but shit, is the guy an animal!

One more video of him slamming a FAN after the break.

Cheers to you!

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Jan 242009

Winter blues got you down? Just order this CD of eight tracks of encouragement from someone you don’t know and continuous cheers JUST FOR YOU from an “audience of 30,000!” With tracks like “We Believe in You,” “Thank You My Friend,” and “Great Job” (“praising you for being a hard worker,” the site says), you’ll be feeling great about yourself in no time. This CD is even endorsed by Ellen DeGeneres (?!). If you don’t want to buy the album, you can download an mp3 of 5:45 of applause for only $4.95. The CD is $16.95, but who can put a price on happiness?

I feel like it’s too easy to make a snarky comment about this, so I’ll just let you all judge for yourselves. Or you can watch their TV advert, which is as convincing as Stacker 2.

Step 1: Bush Gets Shoe Thrown at Him… Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit?

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Dec 162008

We all have seen this video 50 times now. Well, at least I have.

But did you know that you can already buy T-shirts commemorating the incident?

Yeah, pretty fast, but it is the Internet age, after all.

I guess Step 2 is actually pretty obvious… create a bunch of crap on CafePress and hope people buy it…

Edit: A fascinating article about people’s reaction to the “Shoe Incident” from The New York Times.

Cat Riding a Roomba

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Nov 202008

A new low/high in TV

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Jun 232008

Just when you thought VH1 couldn’t get more ridiculous, here comes “I Love Money.” A whole gaggle of contestants from the recent celebrity dating competition shows, but with no pretense of “love.” I guess this show is more honest about its intentions (and don’t worry, Pumpkin will be there), but it’s kind of a sad state for the human race…

Okay, time to post an inspirational story about a cute animal… anything that doesn’t make me (who even watched Rock of Love 2) vomit a little.

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