WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW.

I have to admit that I’ve been a fan of Heroes ever since I watched the first episode on DVD through Netflix. The first season stands head and shoulders above most serialized network television dramas/comedies/action-adventures/whatever. However, the second season is probably the most overwrought piece of shit I’ve ever seen. They spend 65 episodes in feudal Japan to set up a love triangle and rivalry, all while introducing 256,023 new character that add little if anything to the story. Great. After the disastrous second season, which was gracefully cut short by the writer’s strike, they started regaining a little steam with their third season, until, of course, they took a turn towards repetition, towards repetition, towards repetition, and bad acting, and unthinkable character moves, giving people powers, taking powers away, making Suresh into the fucking FLY, etc.

Anyways, none of that past stuff really matters, because, well, it’s in the past.  Now, Tim Kring (Heroes creator) must have watched a few too many episodes of X-men the Animated Series, or something, because he basically stole their entire plot, minus a few details for Season 3 part 2. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it brings some much-needed darkness back to the series, provides an interesting new villain in the form of the entire US Government, places Nathan Petrelli in the center of everything as the guy pulling the strings with the help of a few badasses like that-guy-from-Iceland-or-wherever-who-is-always-a-villain-on-tv-shows-like-24-or-whatever, named Danko of all things, and of course 76,000,000 dudes with black masks on and submachine guns. Coooool. Continue reading »

Jan 312008
 

holy shit!

What? What’s that you say? Nifty devices that for sale that really hurt your ears and make you look like a deaf space cadet that are great for watching TV? I think the philosophy of this catalog is that if it has a big red TV icon, then you will buy it

Jan 302008
 

pointless clock

I’ve looked at this for at least a minute, trying to figure out why the hell anyone would ever possibly want something like this. “To find your glasses in the dark, of course,” you say. No, silly, this is just a stupid, worthless product. It glows in the dark, too!

Jan 172008
 

holy shit!

Protective Bug Top & Pants keep gnats, bees, mosquitoes and other biting bugs at bay! Work outdoors, fish, hike or garden without resorting to chemical repellents. Airy, one-piece woven mesh top with elastic cuffs and hem covers you from head to mid-hip. One size fits all. Pants have drawstring waist and elastic ankles. $12.98

Not only will you look dead sexy in your wearable mosquito net, but you also won’t ever have to spend money again on a wonderful invention called “bug spray.” It’s just a shame the pants weren’t pictured.

Dec 182007
 

It’s called Stump Out. Ideal for getting rid of that pesky tree stump. What if you pour some of it on your hand? Then you might have another stump instead of getting rid of one! Zing!

 

Dec 152007
 

magnify

Oh yeah, sexy… Look, it does work, it made the E bigger… wow. Easily clips on to frameless glasses– like anyone would have huge glasses lying around like that so that the magnifier would fit. To think people would actually buy these. Click the pic for full size.

Dec 102007
 

Clown Bike

 

Until now, such miniature bicycles were available exclusively to professional circus clowns. An amusing diversion at parties, picnics, (drunken) reunions and charity events (And now, to help fight AIDS, we have a guy on a miniature bicycle – please donate), this diminutive bicycle is a challenging, yet fun ride for individuals aged six (wouldn’t be that cool for a 6 year old, huh) through adult.

 

Yes, now I can finally get that clown bike that I’ve been always wanting.

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