I have to admit that I’ve been a fan of Heroes ever since I watched the first episode on DVD through Netflix. The first season stands head and shoulders above most serialized network television dramas/comedies/action-adventures/whatever. However, the second season is probably the most overwrought piece of shit I’ve ever seen. They spend 65 episodes in feudal Japan to set up a love triangle and rivalry, all while introducing 256,023 new character that add little if anything to the story. Great. After the disastrous second season, which was gracefully cut short by the writer’s strike, they started regaining a little steam with their third season, until, of course, they took a turn towards repetition, towards repetition, towards repetition, and bad acting, and unthinkable character moves, giving people powers, taking powers away, making Suresh into the fucking FLY, etc.
Anyways, none of that past stuff really matters, because, well, it’s in the past. Now, Tim Kring (Heroes creator) must have watched a few too many episodes of X-men the Animated Series, or something, because he basically stole their entire plot, minus a few details for Season 3 part 2. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it brings some much-needed darkness back to the series, provides an interesting new villain in the form of the entire US Government, places Nathan Petrelli in the center of everything as the guy pulling the strings with the help of a few badasses like that-guy-from-Iceland-or-wherever-who-is-always-a-villain-on-tv-shows-like-24-or-whatever, named Danko of all things, and of course 76,000,000 dudes with black masks on and submachine guns. Coooool. Read the rest of this entry »
The Iowa Caucuses, the first primary our country holds, are held on January 3rd. Iowa is cool and all, but their caucus system doesn’t really make a lick of sense. The New York Times, as usual, has a great article about the system. It points out that it’s a little bit flawed; hardly any Iowans even show up for the damn things. Yet, because it is the first state to vote, the Iowa caucuses are hugely influential to the rest of the country.
Anyone who can’t afford a babysitter or has to work at night can’t vote, mainly because they can’t get to a overlong meeting. The Times writes, “In 2000, the last year in which both parties held caucuses, 59,000 Democrats and 87,000 Republicans voted, in a state with 2.9 million people.”
Check out this other excerpt,
“While the Republican caucuses are fairly simple — voters can leave shortly after they declare their preferences — Democratic caucuses can require more time and multiple candidate preferences from participants. They do not conform to the one-person, one-vote rule, because votes are weighted according to a precinct’s past level of participation. Ties can be settled by coin toss or picking names out of a hat.”
Seems a bit high schoolish to me. Maybe all states should decide who is president by picking names out of a hat. Or maybe it’s time for an election overhaul?
This one-of-a-kind doll, like a real baby, will go through the key stages of growth—she even arrives with a birth certificate. She begins as a cooing, crawling infant and will grow and develop into a chatty toddler with a vocabulary of over 500 words. Highly interactive, she readily responds to feeding, eating, going down for a nap, a change of clothes and being spoken to. Similar to a real baby, the doll will fuss if neglected (Guaranteed to piss you off- just like a real baby!), but is soothed by attention. The doll has a patented internal microprocessor to track the progression of time. In her final growth spurt, the doll will learn to walk and speak in complete sentences, sing songs, recite the alphabet and numbers, and play games. Easily reset back to infant stage, or to a previous stage in her development. (Doll turns out to just be a psycho killer that wants to possess your child’s body) Included with doll are a five-piece wardrobe, carrier, feeding accessories, blanket, teddy bear and birth certificate. For (Will scare the living hell out of) ages six and up.
Dog Doorbell: Easy to use and inconspicuous (what will the neighbors think?), this device allows pets to signal when they wish to go outside by stepping on the “paw” to ring the wall- or stand-mounted chime. The device uses radio frequency to transmit from paw to chime. Any size dog can activate the device, and the chime can be set for doorbell tone or a natural-sounding bark (because we can’t have your dog barking for themselves). Multiple paws can be distributed around the home at various pet exits. The chime operates on three AA batteries (included: that’s what you get for 29.95) and the paw operates on a 9-volt battery (included). Battery power provides up to 10,000 chimes before requiring replacement. Includes instructions on how to train a dog to use the device. (Well, hot damn, it’s not self-training? What kinda deal is this?) Not recommended for use outside in inclement weather. (If Sparky is outside in the rain, he’s S.O.L.) If it’s so easy to train a dog to step on a tiny “paw,” so you will hear the “bark” of a dog, and open the door… why can’t you train the damned thing to bark on its own? What’s that sound? Oh, nevermind, it’s just the dog again.
Until now, such miniature bicycles were available exclusively to professional circus clowns. An amusing diversion at parties, picnics, (drunken) reunions and charity events (And now, to help fight AIDS, we have a guy on a miniature bicycle – please donate), this diminutive bicycle is a challenging, yet fun ride for individuals aged six (wouldn’t be that cool for a 6 year old, huh) through adult.
Yes, now I can finally get that clown bike that I’ve been always wanting.
For extra fun, attach the sled to a pack of the neighborhood dogs. In minutes, your infant can be a dog team driver, just like the grizzly men of the north! If dogs are not available, just push your infant down the biggest hill that you can find.
I think it is funny that there is competiton in the lucrative business of things to put in your toilet to scare people. The competitor sells the toilet monster for 19.98, but if you buy it from us it’s only 17.99!
