Nicole

 

Hey all you aspiring writers out there! Wanna know how to get published?

Step 1: Hold your anus open Goatse-style and have a friend shoot an enema up your rectum.

Step 2: Locate the most vile and revolting thing that you spout out of your ass-fountain.

Step 3: Submit your tubgirl bowel-mush to a widely-read and `reputable’ paper like The Washington Post.

Step 4: Wait for the ensuing (bare)backlash. Continue reading »

 

prozacobama

I’ve seen Barack Hussein Obama—the self-termed “skinny kid with a funny name”—sobriqued as many things over the past few months: domestic insurgent, kafir infidel, hope monger, cult leader, the black candidate, a presidential candidate who happens to be black, Kennedy reborn, Senator Galahad, etc. None of these are adequate. The moniker that best embodies everything he represents to us, the American People, and in particular to this generation is Human Prozac (credit Kathleen Parker).

We like Obama because he makes us feel good. It is that simple.

Now, even though we’re young and naive, we’re not complete idiots. We know he is less experienced on the national scene than Hillary Clinton. We know that his health care plan is probably not as comprehensive as Senator Clinton’s. We know that his chances of pushing Congress to actually get things done are slim to none. We know that real life isn’t like The Little Engine That Could. We know that we don’t get anything done by repeating that mantra “Yes, we can.”

Yet, we’re willing to sweep all these considerations under the rug. Why? It’s because we’re desperate to have something make us feel good about ourselves. It’s because the defining moments of this generation haven’t. There has been no giant leap for mankind, no Miracle on Ice; most of us are too young to remember the fall of the Berlin Wall. In fact, the one defining moment of this YouTube-generation is something that reminded us of the evil side of the human spirit. The ensuing reactions showed us its fearful and hateful sides. Continue reading »

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