photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage.com
So the Oscars™®© or Academy Awards™®© were last night, and damn them if they didn’t decide to shake shit up a little bit. Some of the awards were predictable, but the show sure wasn’t.
First of all, I had no idea until that motherfarkin’ Barbara Walters Special aired that g’d love-him-yet-hate-him Hugh Jackman was hosting. That guy is a freakin’ conundrum, isn’t he? One minute he’s cutting mofos up in the trailer to Wolverine, then, the next minute, he dances, sings, and charms his way into your heart. He was a pretty good host, I think. Charming, not on screen too much (at one point someone quipped that he was napping) and when he was there, he did a dance or some shit, which was entertaining enough, and of course he’d pull Beyoncé or someone else out of thin air to help him out. He didn’t even make a long boring monologue, just made some dumb jokes. He gets a pass; host 12 times.
My favorite addition was definitely having 5 past award recipients say something nice about the nominees, instead of just a camera cutting to them when the presenter is speaking their name. This was a nice touch, and really let you reflect on the history of the awards, and what it means to win those coveted acting awards.
A few complaints, even though Slumdog Millionaire laid the beatdown on the competition:
- I haven’t seen Milk yet, so I might retract this statement, but damn I wanted Mickey Rourke to win for the Wrestler. Damn you Sean Penn! At least you’re badass enough to give him the final shout-out. He won about 40,000 other awards for that performance, but the %U#(*)U#_ Oscar d-bags decided to give it to Sean Penn, who already has a freakin’ Oscar. Oh well.
- Why must you deny The Dark Knight? Now I understand it’s a “popular movie”; the 2nd most popular of ALL TIME. Behind freakin’ Titanic, which you showered with gold. So, why, oh why, did it walk away with only a few awards? Shit man, definitely robbed there. Should have been up for Best Picture. At least Heath got his statue; but the real tragedy was that his family had to accept it for him because he’s dead. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite. Dark Knight can’t catch a break.
- Why wasn’t Bruce Springsteen’s song from The Wrestler nominated for an Oscar? Seriously, here… You nominate 2 songs from Slumdog, and one from Wall-E by Peter Gabriel of all people, but you don’t have the common sense to nominate the motherfuckin’ Boss? Jesus.
- Where is the Best Director nod for Darren Aranofsky? The Wrestler kicked ass! Seriously folks.
- What happened to Daniel Day Lewis? Didn’t want to show up? Everyone else who won last year was there. Bribe him or something…
- Seriously, Jennifer Anniston. I like you and all, you’re hot enough, but seriously, your shit was the most awkward ever; just go on Celebrity Boxing with Angelina Jolie already.
- Ben Stiller, your impression of Joaquin Phoenix was hilarious, but really, really, really, too long. The joke died about 3 minutes into it.
- Daniel Craig, slow down, read the teleprompter, and you won’t look so charmingly befuddled.
- Will Smith, you charming mother fucker. You and Hugh Jackman need to have a charm-off. Seriously. Second bout on Celebrity Boxing?
- Would have liked to see Marisa Tomei add to her Oscar collection. Woman can act! And she’s hot at over 40.
- What the fuck, Benjamin Button, what the fuck? You don’t deserve to win half the awards you won. Seriously. Fuck you. Have you not realized by now that you’re basically a rip-off of Forrest Gump. And have the same writer??
- More to come?
Grade: B+
Host: A-
Awards: B (go Slumdog, Booooooo Benjamin Button.)
Speeches: B+ (some really good ones this year)
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