A-Team Lego Adventures

Here is what happens when you find an old LEGO A-team van that you made in 7th grade and decide it’s time to do something with it.

Crazy Hooker: “Well, it’s time to partake in illegal activities! Step one will have to be bustin’ my buddies (Crazy Snake and Killer) out of the slammer!”

Crazy Hooker: Freeze, solitary and inadequately-armed guard.
Prison Guard: Wait, why are you pointing all of those guns at me? What’d I do to you?
Crazy Hooker: I’m here to bust my friends (Crazy Snake and Killer) out of jail! Prepare to receive a non-life-threatening wound.

Crazy Hooker: Hooray. You are free from the badly-constructed jail.
Killer: Man I can’t believe that prison door was open the entire time…
Crazy Snake: Hey! Look at me! I’m upside-down! I’m a monkey! Look at me! Is that cop OK?
Crazy Hooker: I don’t know. Nobody dies on this show, don’t worry.

Crazy Hooker: Now it’s time to regroup and formulate a plan!
Killer: Shouldn’t we go into hiding or something, the entire police department should be after us relatively soon. We just broke out of jail and might have killed a cop, you know.
Crazy Hooker: Quiet, you.
Crazy Snake: Hey! Look at me! I’m hanging on by the gun barrel! Oh nuts I’m gonna die… get away from the cliff!
Crazy Hooker: I know, let’s go to the bank and rob it.
Killer: Isn’t that kinda cliché? Can’t we do some sort of elaborate extortion ring or something more creative?
Crazy Hooker: Hey, who is the guy who is driving? I make the plans, bucko.

Prison Guard: Hey kids, I’m ok. All he did was shoot me in the bulletproof vest. I’m fine. Remember: head-shots don’t exist.
Village People Guy: That’s right. He’s fine. Don’t play with guns.

Killer: Man, it feels good to have the old’ uzi back. I missed my race-car too.
Crazy Hooker: Yep, now get ready bowyes, the bank is approaching!
Crazy Snake: Hey man what’d you do to my sweet ride? This one is like a Volvo or something.
Crazy Hooker: I sold it so I could get this fly platinum hook.
Crazy Snake: Whack!

Prison Guard: That prison job is too dangerous, I’m glad I got this new job here at the Bathroom Gulch bank. Thanks Pedro Moneybags.
Pedro Moneybags: No problem, just watch out for a group of bank robbers that I passed on the way to work today.
Prison Guard: WHAT?! How did you know they were bank robbers?
Pedro Moneybags: Well their license plate said “BNKROBR” for one thing, and they had a bunch of machine guns, and they looked like a group of bank robbers..

Pedro Moneybags: This is a nice close-up of me, no? It shows how rich I am. I have a safe, and money in my pocket and a gold watch and….

Crazy Hooker: Now put your hands up and nobody will get hurt. You are completely surrounded.
Pedro Moneybags: But, you already killed Prison Guard. Jerk.
Prison Guard: No, I’m alive. I’m immortal, remember?
Killer: Give us the money, sucker.
[Voice of Mr.T]: That is my line, sucka.

Pedro Moneybags: Money is heavy. I don’t look as good in this close-up because I am giving away all my money! What a bunch of bank-robbing jerks.

Crazy Snake: It’s hard to drive when you are holding things in both hands.
Killer: Tell me about it. Try driving with your knees.
Crazy Snake: I don’t have knees…
Crazy Hooker: Try driving with a hook, you insensitive schmuck!

Prison Guard: See, I’m fine. Told ya! Silly kids.
Village People Guy: Now kids, in real life, if you get shot 2 times, you might die. But since we are made of plastic, and this is a TV show, it is fine!
Pedro Moneybags: Oh what am I going to do? I guess I should call the police. Wait! For some strange reason I think I will call The A-team instead.

Pedro Moneybags: Holy crap. That was fast.
Hannibal: This is a kids show, nobody dies or cusses. Watch your mouth.
BA: YEAH SUCKA! THE KIDS! [growls]

Hannibal: Let me introduce The A-team, Moneybags. The guy standing next to me goes by Face. Behind me with the overalls is BA Baracus. Next to him is Murdock, he’s crazy.
Murdock: I’m not crazy, I’m insane.
BA: Shut up fool, you crazy, not insane.
Murdock: Crazy is insane and insane is crazy! Now who’s crazy, you angry mudsucker!

BA: I said to shut up fool!
Murdock: Ahhhhhhhhh! How rude.

Pedro Moneybags: I need you to find a gang of bank-robbers. They stole $ 232 from my bank!
Face: [Does calculations] That’ll be approximately $ 300,000 plus gas money.
Pedro Moneybags: But that is more than was stolen. What kind of help are you?
Murdock: Good help. Except for BA. He has a bad attitude. That’s why we call him “BA.” Ha ha! Get it?
BA: Shut up fool! I’ll throw you!
Hannibal: We’ll take the job. We’ll take this gold watch and fist full of money as collateral.
Pedro Moneybags: But that watch is worth 400,000 and those are three trillion dollar bills!
Face: [points gun] Eh!!!!!!! You’ll get them back… not really, though.

BA: Everyone into my van. Everyone on The A-team, that is. Man what happened to my paint job? It looks like some 7th grader painted this. I’m gonna kill that crazy fool who’s been messin’ with my van. Sucka.
Hannibal: I’ve got a plan. Here is the plan: we find the bad guys, beat them up, and get back the money.
Face: Hannibal, you never cease to amaze me with your planning genius
Hannibal: I know, what can I say? I’m a natural born plannerz.
Face: This is the 80′s, we didn’t have crazy Internet-talk then. j00 ro><0rz m0i b0><0rzr@!
BA: What the hell are you talking about? Don’t make me throw you…

Killer: Wow, having money is great. Look at this cool tree we bought.
Crazy Hooker: Let’s go spend all of the money on liquor and loose women! Hooray!
Crazy Snake: Did you guys notice how stiff this money is? It’s like cardboard or something. Look, it doesn’t bend!
Killer: Well, I can’t grasp objects that don’t neatly snap into place in my hand…
Crazy Hooker: You guys, the loose women await us….

Hannibal: Now, when we get to the secret hideout, Murdock and Face, arguably the weakest on the team, will go and muscle the bank robbers around, while I provide cover-fire with a gigantic machine gun.
BA: Man, that sounds like all of your plans. Why don’t I just go in and beat them all up. I’m BA BARACUS! I could take ‘em. Suckaz.
Face: There you go again…
BA: Shut up, fool, I see them, hold on!

Murdock: WHEEEEEEEEE! Sink jumping is the best.
Face: Ah, my face.
BA: What is this big hand on my van? Get of my van, you crazy fool!|

Hannibal: There they are, follow the plan.
Murdock: God made the world blurry…
Face: No that is just the idiot director. Amateurs.

Murdock: Hey guys, give me that stolen money from the Bathroom Gulch Bank.
Face: That was blunt. What happened to the scam?
Murdock: I forgot…
Killer: Over my beat-up but not hurt body.
Crazy Hooker: Get ‘em boys! Don’t use your guns though, because they are immortal.

Face: Aaaay! Just like the wrestlers, babye!
Killer: Oh my god, the hand, the hand! We are sinners! Repent! Repent!
Murdock: I’ll take that case full of money during the confusion.

Murdock: (case smacking noise)
Face: (wrestle around on ground with bad guy noise)

BA: Take this, sucka!
Crazy Hooker: (makes being hit by van noise)

Hannibal: Freeze, dirtbags, or I will shoot in your general direction with several thousand rounds of ammunition. Don’t worry, there is no way I can hit you, they are really blanks. I mean, freeze!
Crazy Snake: I’m confused. I need a new diaper.
Killer: Shut up, Crazy Snake.
Crazy Hooker: Ow, I feel like I’ve just been hit by a 1984 Custom GMC Van.
Hannibal: Now to deliver the goods.

BA: There is that hand again! What is going on here? How come I’m driving on the wall?
Murdock: I always drive on the wall, even without a huge hand supporting me.
Hannibal, Face, BA: Shut up, Murdock.

Face: Here is the money they stole, minus a small charge for the spent gas, and damage done to the van by the hand of mystery. So all in all you owe us $ 37.93.
Pedro Moneybags: This is an outrage! (expletives in Spanish) I will get the cops to arrest you.
Face: Why didn’t you just get the cops to arrest the bank robbers in the first place? Boy you are thick. See ya!
Pedro Moneybags: I’ll get them. Let me reiterate this: I’m going to the police!

Hannibal: Man the police are behind us, how did that happen?
Face: I dunno…. Murdock, deal with them. Be sure not to injure them, though!
Murdock: Der, otay.

Murdock: That was easy! They were wearing helmets, so they have to be fine, right? The poster on the wall of the science room said helmets save lives.
BA: More! Man. They will never be able to follow us on this towel rack!

Prison Guard: What? The A-team? I will get them now, with “baby.”
Murdock: Man I didn’t know motorcycles could fly.

Prison Guard: Say hello to my little friend. Muhhahhahhahahahhahahaha!
The A-team: Man that was cliche. We mean, ruh-roh.

Murdock: Ow, I am slightly winded.
BA: MY VAN! THAT SUCKA! Good thing he fell off the towel rack.

THE END?